I am a practicing family psychologist and sexologist. I got the second qualification about seven years ago - the fact is that people are becoming more educated in terms of sex and want to improve their family life. And more than half of the problems in pairs, both in young and in long-married couples, are problems with sex and the way two people look at it differently.
Existing stereotypes about sex make the situation worse - there are terrible conflicts in families that often lead to divorces. Women are sure that constant sex with a man is proof of his love, and if it becomes less, then the husband has fallen out of love. This is indeed the case, but it happens quite differently. I will try to explain to you exactly how and consider the main reasons for which men refuse their partners in the vicinity.
Why do men not want sex?
Frequent problem in fact. Women with children, remember the first years of the decree - they are constantly on their feet, their thoughts are occupied by a child, there is not a single minute for themselves - what kind of sex can we talk about? The same thing happens with a man if he works a lot or is actively involved in home and family. Men also get tired both physically and mentally, and also need good rest - a week without normal sleep and constant work - and your young man just wants to sleep in bed. If you see that your partner is tired - understand it and do not push it. When a period of great stress passes, everything will return.
Jokes about men who go to doctors only after the spear begins to interfere with sleep - not such a joke. As my practice shows, many men, regardless of salary and character, can endure pain and discomfort for years, especially when it comes to genitals. Many have never visited a urologist and have not been tested - even a minor illness in this case can cause complications, problems with potency and pain. In such a situation, a man will begin to refuse sex, but at the same time he will not tell about unpleasant feelings.
Low sexual constitution
Sometimes it happens. Women are sure that all men are sex machines who constantly want him. But if a fairly large percentage of people who do not need sex so often, this is their nature. In the new relationship, the first months, they may be more active, but then the hormones calm down and everything returns to its mainstream. With this you just have to accept and look for some compromises.
The sexual revolution has led to the fact that most women decided that sex can and should be demanded. If not directly, then indirectly - put on sexy lingerie, pester, literally grab the penis. Magazines are also full of such advices - they say make fire to the bed. In fact, such things are good only if you and so the fire burns. And if a man is already fed up with sex, then the more you attack him - the more chances to get a refusal.
Imagine being forced to eat your favorite dish every day. The first month you will be happy, the second - you want something else, and on the third you will start to feel sick. Always leave a man a little hungry - and he will have more motivation and more fire in sex.
You are conceived
Not obvious, but frequent reason. The couple decides to have a child - the woman begins to keep a calendar, talk a lot about it, go to the doctor. Sex in such a case often turns into a kind of duty - so, ovulation, let's do it three times a night. From it the romance disappears and the animal begins. If you are trying to conceive a child - try to focus less on this attention in bed.
You look bad, but at home - a mess
The situation familiar to all is a woman on maternity leave and is married, she has a bun on her head, her hair is washed a week ago, on an old T-shirt is a stain from a baby’s porridge. Houses are scattered toys and age-old dust. Of course, it’s difficult to keep track of yourself with small children, but simple cleanliness is love not only for the husband, but also for himself and the child. Please always try to keep your body and home in order. I'm not talking about heels and dresses at home - just buy a cute home kit, wash your head and tie a tail or braids instead of a bun.
Unfortunately, it is impossible not to mention this. Cheating and another woman also often cause a man to deny his wife or girlfriend. Immediately, I note - the absence of sex is not always a reason to suspect adultery! Think of this only if you clearly see other signs of having a mistress. Because accusations of such can seriously undermine your relationship.
He doesn't love you
It's unpleasant to even think about such things, but it happens. It happens that a man has fallen out of love, but continues to live with a woman for the sake of children or because it is convenient. Options for which he does not leave, there may be a lot. Often women do not even notice that they have no feelings — they think that a man is simply complex. Please always notice the partner's attitude - is he attentive, is he happy? If you don’t get too hung up on yourself, you’ll know for sure if something went wrong.
What can be done?
- In any case, in any case, do not push, do not demand, do not roll up scandals. Sex is pure spontaneity, an area of the subconscious. No effort of his mind is willing. But a couple of scandal on this topic can bring down even a powerful libido.
- Watch yourself, but do not overdo it. Not only because of the love for her husband, but also for yourself - be clean and tidy, keep yourself in order. In no case we are talking about a permanent make-up or stockings at home - just wash your head regularly and take care of your nails and face. Wear clean and neat clothes at home - not necessarily sexy, comfortable! But not old and dirty - it does not cause sexual emotions.
- Persuade the man to be checked and go to the doctor. Do not do it through scandals, be soft and affectionate. Tell me that your gynecologist asked to be examined by him - ostensibly to rule out any problems with you. Check how he feels, if he has any pain. The main thing here is to be very careful.
- If you see that the man is tired - support him and help. In every possible way try to help him unload - it may be worth temporarily even take on his responsibilities. Grateful, he will answer you the same when necessary.
- Create a home comfort. Clean bed, pleasant aroma, fresh air and delicious food. I focus attention - you should not actively create the sexual atmosphere - candles and so on. Just make sure that the house is clean and comfortable, if necessary, involve in cleaning and a man. Because stale linen and stacks of dirty dishes everywhere can kill the libido of the most fastidious.
- If you suspect the presence of another woman - immediately think about what you will do if you find out the truth. Leave, will you fight? In any case, do not hysterical, do not scour by phone and social networks - respect yourself. If there are obvious signs, ask directly.
- Take the initiative, stick yourself, but do not go too far - if you see that a man is not being led - kiss him and smile and go about your business.
- Do not ask the man why he does not want. And do not focus on this at all. No, no, lie back or go about your business. It is extremely unpleasant for men to realize that they sexually do not satisfy their woman and they can easily freeze.